You’ve probably noticed that some people love being the center of attention. They light up a room the moment they walk in, while you’re stuck sitting on the sidelines. Why can’t you be like them?
The truth is you can be like them, or at least a bit more so than you are now. Your social disposition is not set in stone, nor must you be subjected to anxiety forever. You can make changes to your life that will help you improve your social anxiety. Here are a few ways you can do just that.
Change Your Mind
Social anxiety can put a serious damper on your ability to feel okay in the world. When a tense gravity accompanies your every social interaction like an invisible curse, it’s hard to want to open yourself up to new experiences. At the same time, isolating yourself further won’t help.
Although it may not feel like it right now, often, the greatest obstacle in your way is yourself. If you don’t believe that you can change your behavior then, well, there’s a good chance you won’t. So you need to establish a core belief that you have the potential to change; that you can become a confident person. If you can’t, then you may need outside help.
As you know, anxiety can be debilitating to the point of paralysis. So if you feel so trapped in your mind that you can’t take a single step forward, ask for help. Consider getting mental health treatment. It may serve as the momentum you need to make a life-changing change.
Remember to Breathe
Think about what happens when you start to feel anxious in a social situation. The narrative voice in your head gets louder and more judgemental. The things people say go out of focus. Your hands get sweaty, and your breathing is likely more shallow and rapid. Out of all of these symptoms, you have direct control over one of them — your breath.
Often, when people experience anxiety, they start to breathe quickly; however, this can often be self-defeating. That’s because your pulmonary system (lungs) and your cardiovascular system (heart) are intertwined. When the rate of one increases, the other tends to follow suit. So when you take those rapid breaths, your heart rate and corresponding blood pressure increase. And this physiological sensation can make you feel even more nervous.
Because of this systemic relationship, one of the best ways you can combat your anxiety is by remembering to take long, deep breaths. It may seem simple, and that’s because it is. But don’t let the simplicity fool you; it still takes intentional effort. Your body has a built-in relaxation system, so you may as well make use of it.
Practice Meditation
Speaking of your breath, it may benefit you to take up a meditation practice. Meditation can help you significantly reduce and manage your anxiety. Not only is it a good short-term solution for when you’re actively experiencing anxiety. But it can also help you build a foundation of calm to stand upon as you walk through life.
If you’ve never meditated before, don’t worry. You don’t need to shave your head and join a Tibetan monastery to learn how to do it. (Although, if you did, you’d add an incredibly brave and memorable chapter to the story of your life). There are plenty of guided meditations that you can find for free online. But, just like your breath, you already have everything you need to meditate built into your body.
All you need to do to meditate is sit in a comfortable position, close your eyes, and focus on your breath. Eventually, as you continue to breathe in and out, thoughts will arise, and this is natural. Make a mental note to notice that you’re thinking, and recenter your attention on your breath. And, really, that’s all there is to it. The changes may be gradual at first, but you can help ease your anxiety by meditating for just a few minutes each day.
Expose Yourself to New Experiences
Exposing yourself to the things that scare you is one of the best ways to deal with social anxiety. Exposure is a common therapeutic method to help people deal with their phobias. And social anxiety is a phobia so common and debilitating that it occupies its own category of anxiety disorder.
Exposure therapy is, perhaps unfortunately, exactly what it sounds like. It involves you directly confronting the very thing you fear, in a measured capacity and over time. For example, someone with a phobia of snakes could go to a pet shop and hold one. Or someone with a fear of heights could practice looking out of a second-story window.
It’s important to take some time and make sure you understand exactly which social situations make you feel anxious. You may be afraid of talking in public, asking someone on a date, or just schmoozing at a party. If you have trouble approaching people, for example, make your exposure as easy as possible. You could go to a coffee shop, order a drink, and just compliment a worker on their nice hair that day. The key is to put yourself outside your comfort zone one step at a time, in proportion to your individual needs.
Center Yourself
Social anxiety can be incredibly debilitating. But the good news is that you can improve how you respond to anxiety. Exposure therapy, breathwork, and medication are all important and helpful tools to add to your arsenal.
What’s important is to figure out what works for you as an individual. And, who knows, perhaps one day you too will be the center of attention. Or at least a little closer to it from the circumference.
